i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
