honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You took a bar mat shot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
