I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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