I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
