You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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