I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
