Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
