All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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