did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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