oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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