the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
