Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
