Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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