Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
