i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
