She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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