I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
