you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
