you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i would punch a child for taco bell
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
