I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
