weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
