every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
