she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
