I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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