I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
whose ass print is on the piano?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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