It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
