i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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