textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
