just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
