walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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