i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
