If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
