What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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