I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
