I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
