I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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