Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
