He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
