they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
