You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My ass is underappreciated
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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