Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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