Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
