then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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