I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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