I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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