the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
