oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
