What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
