You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
