Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
