i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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