shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
