Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
