how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Come on in and take your pants off
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