Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
