I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize