Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
