My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
