After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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