Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
