My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize