Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
