Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
