you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
