im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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