Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
