in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
