They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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