How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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