Welp...herpes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
