I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
