im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
