Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
