chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
